I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
