I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
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