Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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