Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
