Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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