I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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