It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
