no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
