I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
