covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
