Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
