"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
She's just so happy...and so naked.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
