yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
