we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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