my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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