when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
