i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
So much rum. So many feels.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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