I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Randomize
