the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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