I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
