I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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