go do what you do best...puke behind churches
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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