I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
