im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize