The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
