you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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