So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
