i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
