In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
