And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
