HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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