you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
