im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
