I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize