I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
