Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
