he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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