My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
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