If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
