WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
sick fucks of a feather flock together
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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