I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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