I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
