Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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