just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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