Whatcha textin bout Willis?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
