i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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