Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
If its not for food we ain't going out.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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