My underwear smells like fireworks.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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