if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
