Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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