Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
