I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just cut my nipple shaving
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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