There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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