do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
