How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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