I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
