Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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