Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
