Nicole vs. Life
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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