So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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