fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
