Sry I called you an 8
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
