I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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