I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize