Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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