I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
