i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
