Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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