Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
