Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize